Sunday, October 24, 2010

Defining Moments In Time

We’ve all experienced moments that have changed our lives, the big ones like getting married and having a baby and other monumental events that change our lives forever, well just till we die.  Today I don’t want to talk about obvious defining moments I am thinking of moments that sneak up on you and you may or may not know they are defining moments.  

I can honestly say I haven’t ever rushed into a burning building to rescue someone or even push someone out of the way of an oncoming bus.  Ok I can’t say I have done anything remotely like that and for the most part I am the most boring average person you will ever meet.  So my defining moments are those that have that have changed me in a way that changes the way I see the world or react to situations in a drastically different way or even helped me to understand where others point of view.  I have had occasion to realize one of those moments which when it occurred I didn’t see it for what it was I had to do a lot of processing and I do mean a few years of processing to get to the place I am now.  Funny how unless something is tested we aren’t even sure that a change has taken place.  I’m sure you will understand more after this story which by the way is true to the best of my recollection.  

Go back a few Thanksgivings….. I’m not sure of the year but I am sure of the event.  My Dad calls and says Mom is running a temperature and will be taking her to Greenville’s ER, now this is about a week after a “sludge removal” procedure done in at UPMC hospital in Pittsburgh.  Yes “sludge removal” was the ohh so technical term for an ERCP which for the life of me I can’t remember what each letter stands for but it was to remove sludge from the common bile duct.  A common complication this procedure  is pancreatitis, which is terribly painful but easily treated with no food for 2 to 3 days just IV fluids then clear liquids then soft food and you are good to go.  The other complication is where the bile duct, stomach or small intestine gets ruptured which causes sepsis that can lead to death at the worst and at best the shutdown of organs temporarily, been there done that with Mom, wasn’t a good time, but that is a whole other story.  This didn’t scare me much because I figured it was the pancreatitis and not sepsis so I knew it wasn’t overly life threatening so I told Dad that I would be down as soon as I could.  In the meantime they decided that since the procedure was done in Pittsburg they weren’t going to mess with admitting her there and send her right down where the procedure was first done, Joyce I do believe was with him and so I wasn’t worried.

The next day was Thanksgiving and by late evening everyone knew about Mom being down in Pittsburgh and the last time she was there she ended up on life support.  Anyhow… I decided that they shouldn’t be down there alone on the holiday so I was going to go down in the morning and for the most part the rest of the family would straggle down at some point being a holiday and all.  So I packed up Daddy a plate of dinner but before I could get out of here Joyce called and said Sue was panicked and she was too afraid to drive in the city but wanted to go ASAP.  I was like,,, inner groan… yeah so I called her and she wanted to go and being the nice sister I am I picked her up and took her. 

Things between have been rather stressed between us to put it mildly, and for years I have been trying to get my older siblings to like me and want to do stuff with me, but for the most part they weren’t having any of it.  So the ride down went OK but I felt a very large pink elephant sitting in the back seat the whole 2 hour drive but we chatted about nothing to pass the time.  The visit went well and it was just as I expected and Mom was already on the mend.  

Here is where the defining moments come in to play, on the way home that very large elephant would not be ignored any longer. Finally at one point Sue asks me, “What do you want from me?”  I answered with “I want you to love me like a sister.”  Then the moment came and with crashing reality my sister said to me, “but I have never thought of you as a sister.”  I was dumbstruck.  What do you say to that!  So I cried, and tried not to cry but failed as I finished the drive home with her telling me about how Mom wasn’t there for her and wasn’t a real grandma to her kids and so on and so forth then she went on to explain that I worried too much about having friends and I needed to learn to only need my family (husband and kids) and not worry about the rest.  Well needless to say I was so hurt I had idolized her my whole life!  So I dropped her at her house and come home, one hurt and rejected piece of a person.  More or less she didn’t think of me as a sister and didn’t need/want any more friends.  That ride back from Pittsburgh was one of the most defining times of my life concerning my siblings. 
I have always wanted to be loved and accepted by my older siblings and I do mean older Pat is 22 yrs. my sr., she is the oldest and moved out before I was born, and the youngest of the older 4 is 14 yrs. my sr.  We three younger kids who were raised together are really close, but they are more accepted by the older ones, but me nope! 
Fast forward to a bit over 2 weeks ago, Mom is dying in the hospital and all 7 of us kids are coming to spend time with her.  Pat flies in from WA and we are keeping someone there with Daddy all the time.  Well, I always knew I had screwy issues with my siblings but not with my parents I was very close to my Mom.  We spent a lot of time together over the years so I have no regrets and nothing that has went unsaid and I realized that Mom loved me and did the very best she could while raising me, that is all a child can ask in my opinion.  Apparently Sue who from that fateful night had her own demons concerning Mom but she was very quiet about it.  I know she had trouble with it but I tried to comfort her.  Pat on the other hand just had man demons and when she was helping the hospice nurse give her a bath Mom called asked for me, which really kicked her jealousy into overdrive since it was her fault I wasn’t there. Earlier she has literally dragged me from the room like a misbehaving little child and then chastised me. She must have missed the memo that I was now 44 and not 4!  I was upset and needed to go blow off some steam and talk myself out of doing bodily harm!  Just as I was hurry out to leave Joyce pulled us aside to ask about Mom’s obituary when I went to leave I told Joyce I trusted that whatever it was she did would be perfect and I said bye and turned to go, well not sure what happened, but the next thing I know Pat said “I love you” and I must have had a look on my face because she gave me that mommy look that says you are in big trouble and put her finger to lips like to shush me!  I have no idea what that was about but I turned and left.  Sorry it has taken so long to get to here, but another defining moment is coming right up! 

As I was driving home (I had an hour) I realized that I no longer wanted or needed my older siblings to either like me or acknowledge me, and that Sue wasn’t trying to be hurtful or malicious she was just being honest with her feelings and while it hurt me horribly I am glad she didn’t lie to me she just told me how it was.  When Pat told me she loved me the only thing I could think of was, what??  You don’t even know me and pretty much have thought and said not so nice things about me behind my back.  At this point I realized that when Sue was honest and I was hurt it was what I needed to let go of lots of issues I had and to allow others to claim their own and be responsible for them.  I felt sorry for Sue, even though she knew Mom at a different time in her life than I did and has so many issues she was losing her mom too, while I was hurting because I was losing a person who was a big part of my everyday life I had no regrets and it was OK for me to let her go.  I had a harder time coming up with sympathy for Pat who at a few different times that week yelled at me and was less than civil to me but I do forgive her mostly because she is so filled with emotions such as regret, guilt, and even though I can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone would be jealous of me but yes I do think she was carrying some of that too.  I hope that both my sister’s can overcome their ‘demons’ and remember the love that our mom had for them, she wasn’t perfect but she loved us with every fiber of her being.  

So one defining moment a few years ago lead to another one, and because of that first one I found a sense of peace.  I was able to hold my tongue and still be nice to Pat even though she was something of a shrew to me a few times. I do pray for both of them. 
Not all defining moments are monumental some aren’t even recognizable for what they are till you can realize the impact they have had on you.  I can now lay to rest all the issues I have with my older siblings and know I am good person and I’m less screwed up than I thought I was.  I don’t need their approval or even their friendship if they aren’t offering it.  Now all I have to do is not get irritated at the stupid things they say!  That I doubt will ever change. 

Friday, October 22, 2010

How Are You?

I’m sure you noticed that people often ask you when something has happened in your life, “How are you doing?”  I haven’t figured out how to respond to this question yet.  “How are you?” used to be just a benign question that no one really wanted a sincere answer to, but it has taken on more feeling and meaning since Mom died and I don’t know how to answer it. 

I used to say “Ohhh I’m just wonderful and you?”  That just doesn’t cut it; they look at me with a worried expression, like I’m not dealing or something.  I’m dealing just fine, I think,,, but saying that is awkward and not an expected answer.  So what do you say when some asks??  Are they being concerned for my emotional welfare and wanting to know exactly how I am doing or are they just really asking “how are you?”  as a greeting and not really knowing anything has gone on that would make me other than “wonderful?”  

I never really thought I would have this much trouble answering such a simple question,,, really there is only 2 answers that apply, I am Ok or I am not Ok.  I guess if I started answering with I’m  not OK people would then become concerned that something is really wrong but then again if I answer I’m OK then do they get concerned that I’m just saying that when I’m not really OK.  

I’m also wondering here this morning how long this goes on?  When will “wonderful” be an excepted answer to this question whether it is asked out of concern or just a greeting?  

I guess I’m in that whole 2 yr old mentality of asking “Why” this morning.  I really want to get back to writing on a regular basis and this is a good reason to I do believe, however I don’t want to go back to mundane “Yep, this is what I’m doing today.”  I want to sharpen my skills and write using words not heard in normal conversation or basic text.  I was think I wanted to write either thought provoking passages or interesting content but unfortunately I need to read great works to get back to writing like a writer not just someone who puts words on the paper.  

This was inspired by Kayla who is re-submitting her grad school applications and needed help with her essays.  She would write them and I would help with the grammar and vocabulary.  It was fun, well it would have been more fun however had I had the time to concentrate and enjoy it, but that was during the 10 days while Mom was in the hospital which now seems something of a blur.  Nonetheless I am going to try some writing exercises if I can find any online and see if I can’t push myself beyond the same old same old.  

Amazingly enough it has only taken me all day to write this.  Ok so I worked and had dinner and enjoyed some goofing off fun with Don and Kay!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Mourning is a funny thing...

If you haven't heard by now my Mom had a New Beginning in Heaven on Oct. 7.  It has been a long summer with her knee becoming so inflamed and painful she couldn't walk on it and those idiots at the ER didn't even bother to try and drain it so mom suffered with that for just over 2 months when on Monday Sept. 27 she had some sort of heart or stroke event which prompted Dad to call 911.  They wanted to admit her because the enzymes were indicating a heart attack on the horizon but they had to transfer her to another hospital for monitoring because they had no open beds.  As she was getting ready to go her BP dropped out and her HR went sky high they gave her medicine to bring it back in line and then transferred her.  Of course all of us kids went to the hospital immediately and by that time Dad had made the decision that only comfort measures be given.  He had a hard time with this and I'm glad we were there to support him.  He had already been up for over a day with only cat naps as he does.  The next 10 days were really rough like a roller coaster.  By Tue evening Mom was able to make sense again with her words, earlier in the day she had thoughts but the right words weren't coming out of her mouth so being able to talk again was a great improvement.  Wed. morning dawned grey but Mom was much much better to the point where she could eat and although I fed her some or her breakfast she ate the rest of it.  Dad had gotten some sleep in the reclining chair but I really just couldn't sleep so I held Mom's hand and thought of the good times and how tired I was... LOL but Wed. was a good day and my sister from WA had flown in the in the early morning and got there about 11.  I stayed with them till late afternoon then needed to come home and get some rest. 

Since Mom was doing so well I assumed, and we all know what that makes out of you and me.... that Pat was going to spend some time with Mom and Dad  but she didn't and I was furious when I found out Dad spend the whole day alone until evening when Jill and Jack and Sam went down.  Daddy sounded so tired and worn out when I called Thurs. evening and then didn't sound much better when I called in the morning that I canceled my Friday appts. on my book and took off for the hospital. I spent the most wonderful day with my parents that day and was sorry I couldn't have spent the day before with them but I thought Pat would want to spend some time alone with Mom while she was doing better.  But it was a wonderful day and I enjoyed my parents then very much!

Kay went with me on Sat. morning and she got to see her gram when she would look over at her and smile with recognition we made a game of her eating, which she really didn't want to do, but I would say "ohh one more bite,,, it will make Kayla happy...."  and she would look over at Kayla and she would say "YAY Grandma"  Mom would smile and take another bite.  Most of the other kids were in that day to spend time with them.  It was good because Mom knew us and enjoyed seeing us, and I think in her own way she was trying to connect because she knew it was getting close to the end.

She continued to decline through the next few days, still being semi lucid at times enough to recognize us and ask for us.  I helped the Hospice nurse when they started Monday to bath her a couple times and we were trying to keep her as comfortable as possible.  We kids took turns staying with Daddy so he wouldn't be alone. 

On Wed Dad and Joyce when to make the funeral arrangements, it was good to get Dad out of the hospital but I think it was hard for him to do it.  He didn't want anything no personal stuff sitting around like photos or anything  nothing not even a slide show,, with calling hours just an hour and a half before the funeral mass at the church. 

I think that was the hardest day for my Dad and I wish I could  have shouldered his pain that day, I'm glad Joyce was there to help with all of it.  She did a great job.  I will forever be thankful to her.

I was there most of the day on Wed. with Pat which was a horrible day she just has soooo many demons of her own that she took it out on me more than once that week.  I hope someday she can rid herself of them.  I've been told many times that she is jealous of me which I find totally preposterous I am nothing special to be jealous of.   I had learned one thing though at a young age which some never learn and some learn much later in life and that is to live without regrets.  I make choices based on that one thing.  When the kids were little and I was debating as to let them go in cars with other people I thought about that.  It did make me a more cautious parent I do believe, but if something had happened I wouldn't have had the guilt of "why didn't I" and I applied this to all other aspects of my life too, especially when it came to my parents getting older, and I worried about them and loved spending time with them so it was a good thing all around. 

Mom and I had talked about her quality of life, or lack there of, and how she wanted to do things but her body just wouldn't cooperate, and then as the years went on she got to the point where even her mind didn't want to do anything but sit and watch TV.  She told me she wished they wouldn't have brought her back when she was on the respirator the last time.  So I knew she was OK with it and told her that I would be OK if she were to go.  When I think back those were some of the best times with Mom and that drive let us talk a lot about life and my kids and her relationships and such.  So I have no regrets as to my Mom passing I am having a bit of sadness and missing her just this past day or two but it is OK and I'll be just fine as we all will.

Now on to the "funny" thing about mourning,,,, it is a sneaky thing; things will be going just fine and it sneaks up on you and wham there ya go just blubbering for no apparent reason. It also provokes people to do things differently that they normally would because of a feeling or an experience. Which is a good thing most of the time unless one lets a bitterness seep in and take them over.  I pray that none of us ever have to feel that. 

I know this sounds so analytical but that is how I usually try to think of things in that way when they are too close to my heart.  Speaking of which (I sell Close To My Heart scrapbooking stuff) I plan to make a nice memory album in memory of Mom. 

So I'm sure that as time goes on I will cling to the good memories and that will only bring me continued joy.  So mourning is a funny thing.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

No I haven't fallen off ....

the face of the earth!! I have been having a pretty darn good summer. I can't even remember when or what I posted last..(I just had to know once I typed that when it was I last posted.) I can't believe I haven't posted since June 9.... Well OK I sure can believe it I lied.

Here are some of the highlights of my summer via photos:

Father's Day was in June and the kids and I got Don a new grill here they are humoring me and "supposedly" looking at it in awe.

Kayla turned 22 (who told that child she could grow up??) It was a nice laid back evening with good cake and ice cream!

We made stuffed shells for the first time... well Kay and Don did... they were super yummy!!

My niece graduated from the same high school her mother and I both graduated from..

June was a fun month... it was also filled with lots of graduation parties... funny thing about those... we keep saying wow we don't have any this year... and every year we end up being invited to a least few. I also practiced some glass etching and have gotten better at it. I've also been working on the photography thing too.

July had all the festivities it always has... the 4th which we came home from camping on... it was a fun 3 days camping with my SIL and her family...

and of course the movie New Moon came out which was a must see.... so we all went while we were camping...

July was also a bit stressful because my beauty shop inspector called luckily I wasn't able to see him he said he would be back the following Tue so we spent the weekend getting everything up to code and then some... I recovered the chairs and painted their metal all black,,, no pics of this but it looks great, was very stressful but worth it. Then we took Kay down to Philly to meet her BF and Don and I took some time to reconnect and enjoy just being a couple again... we went to Valley Forge and did a Ghost walk in Gettysburg. It was a great weekend... her are some reenactors from VF and the dressed tour guides in Gettysburg...

That was the fun filled July. 

August was fairly uneventful just worked in the beauty shop and apparently I didn't take any photos... LOL

As Sept. is coming to a close rather quickly I can't believe how fast this summer went but it was a good one and thankfully all the old folks are still hanging in there,,, only a bit worse for wear, as Mom's knee is now full of arthritis and she is mostly in a wheelchair now for a while I was going out to their house and giving Mom a bath every Wed. but it got a bit hard on me with everything else I had going on and it was just all tooo overwhelming.  So I have left it in Dad's hands and I keep telling myself I'm not worrying about it!!!!

I asked my hubby yesterday how his day was, to which he replied not much every changes... and I said,,, well that is a good thing at least nothing bad is happening!!!  Sooo all and all it was a good summer!!

I'm sincerely hoping that I won't wait this long again to post.  I hope you enjoyed my summer in photos!!!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Making Progress Slowly!

I sure am glad I got one of the big stressful projects done. I took Sr. photos of the neighbor kid and his mom ordered a 16 x 20 picture. I was so worried it wouldn’t look nice. I didn’t realize what a stresser that was till it came yesterday along with some massive relief. I think they liked them all and that is what mattered. I was happy with my work. I gave them a great deal and asked if I could use him in my advertising. He said not a problem. Now all I have to do is figure out this order for my niece. For some reason it uploaded all the photos but only found 2, so I need to call the lab this morning and get this figured out. I don’t want to pay again if they got it and end up with 2 orders. I just don’t have the money to eat a 100 dollar order right now.
So I’ve been working on organizing my scrapbooking stuff. This was a huge task I’ll tell ya. I knew I had all this stuff it was just scattered to and fro all over between the dining room and the basement, where I had put up some new shelves to hold it all. Well guess what… uhhmm the new shelves are full and uhh err… all the stuff isn’t put away yet. Not that there is much left but I might have to do some more rolling 3 drawer storage. I was hoping to avoid that but I think I will need one more. I have lots of work left to do, like making labels for the containers and putting away the UFO’s I call them… acronym for UnFinshed Objects!! I think I might put them up here in the big white hutch I got from Amy a few years back. I’m really excited! I can’t wait to get this done. I now have space up here for organizing my sewing stuff and have my sewing machines at my finger tips but also have them put away out of sight!
I think this whole organizing thing will really help me with the liking my home more and not so stressed that someone might stop by. I know this will make my husband feel better about our home too. So far I have been able to keep my computer desk fairly picked up and uncluttered along with the filing cabinet and now the sewing dresser. The next large project I will be tackling is my pictures, which I want to get into photo boxes and labeled so when I sit down to scrap I can just open my boxes and there the photos will be. Right now they are all scattered here there and everywhere, just like the scrapbooking stuff!
I am rather proud of what I have achieved so far even though I have a long way to go I have gotten a good start. I wish my brain was the organizing type. My friends Jayme and Cathy are both wonderfully good at that. I so wish mine worked like that.
Household hint for the day…place a bucket of DampRid under your toilet to keep the sweat from building up on the tank. I have used this DampRid and it really helps and it isn’t too expensive either!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day 2010

Memorial Day 2010!

I believe that as we live each year of our lives, especially those formative ones from childhood till the mid 30s, shape us and make us who we are, and believing this I think Memorial Day means different things to each of us. I certainly think that those who have/had family in the military that were hurt or even killed it can be a bitter thing or a hero thing or a very deeply mournful thing. I think those who themselves have served in the military look at it from yet another perspective. Then there are those who never had anyone in the military that use this time to remember loved ones who have passed on. So I believe that depending on our experiences Memorial Day can be a veritable smorgasbord of emotion all tied to who we are and what we have experienced.

I don’t belong to a military family at all, for the most part my Dad who served in WWII doesn’t talk about it and that is a part of his life he would rather forget I believe. I do have a brother in law that served in Nam in the Air Force and was in the reserves for a long time but is now retired. My brother Sam served a few years in the Navy where he was on one of the first nuclear subs. He was sworn to secrecy. I don’t know just how patriotic these individuals are as they aren’t vocal about serving their country and don’t visually display their patriotism. I don’t tend to either and I look at Memorial day as a day for a pic nic and to kick off summer, I don’t even tend graves of loved ones but does that make me less of a good person?? I don’t think so. I love America and I pray on a regular basis for all our men and women serving our country so bravely. I respect our troops and pray for their families because I know if it were my son or daughter put in harms way I would be a basket case with worry. So I want to say I try to do my part by prayinf for all who serve not just our troops but the loved ones waiting and praying for the safe return, who in a way are serving our country by being supportive from home.

That being said I would also like to share just how luke warm I am about everything I used this weekend to work on a home improvement project of sorts and to clean my house and sleep in and eat pic-nic food; however some people get a sense of peace or something from tending graves of relatives that have gone on. I noticed it is more of the older generation doing this and when they can’t do it usually someone younger does it in their steed but mostly for the person who they love that can’t do it any longer than for a purpose that they have of their own.

My parents never tended graves, my Mom is R. Catholic and believes that the soul is what makes a person and if you really want to feel close to someone who has passed on, church is where you go to light a candle and say a prayer. You know the whole dust to dust thing. I know my hubby takes his mom every year now that she can’t do it any longer. They went yesterday and my mother in law just sat in the car. She bought one plant to put on each grave, of which there were 10 at 4 different cemeteries. I did ask Don if he would be doing this after she didn’t want to go any more and he said he didn’t think so that he would put some flowers on his brother’s and parents graves but that would be it as they are just across the road from here. I was wondering if I will do anything for my Mom when the time comes. Dad is donating his body to science so no grave there. If I weren’t to afraid of fire I would like to be cremated then the kids could just burn some of my favorite scrap booking paper and dump it in with me and I would be happy for all eternity! (said with a soft laugh)

So as Memorial Day comes to a close I reflect on what it means to me and realize that even though I don’t show it I have a real sense of pride when I see all those flags in the cemeteries and the red flags with the stars on them for families who have a loved one in the service. I am deeply grateful for the work that they do and the pride and sense of purpose they do it with! I am proud to say I’m an American even though I may not be vocal or visual about it. I will keep doing my part praying and donating to organizations that help our troops and their families.

I hope everyone has had a good Memorial Day and observed it in they way they find most meaningful.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Celebration is in the Air!!!

Kayla just called me all excited she is officially done with her Sports Medicine Bachelors degree. She will graduate on Sunday at 2. I am so excited for her. She said she was going to do some laundry and then take a nap! She said she didn't sleep well last night as she kept dreaming about the information she was studying for her final today. Too funny,,, so I told her she earned herself a long luxurious nap! How very exciting! I am also getting ready for the weekend. I have some ironing to do and pick out my outfits for the weekend. We are heading down Sat. for an awards ceremony and such on Sat. evening and then we will have the fun of Graduation on Sunday at 2. Then I bring my babies home for the summer. I can't wait! I miss them terribly when they are at school, although I am thinking I need to do something about the internet thing because I can't watch my shows on the computer and Paul can't play video games with the same connection. Ahhh the dilemmas! So I will just have to figure something out! Although he is very courteous about asking before he just takes the connection.

I'm not sure what I want to wear this weekend. I don't know how warm is it going to be as Mother Nature is sure to play a naughty trick on us and turn up the heat just for the weekend. We are having temps in the 50's all week till Friday when they are to jump up to the mid to upper 70's. OYY! I also need to get a pair of shoes for this event too. Humm... I hate shoe shopping. I have fat feet!

I do need to do some ironing too this week, which is slipping away rather quickly. So I had better get moving!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Talking Fridge!

Husband and I were cleaning out the refridgerator/freezer this morning and the man has to narrate everything that is in there and complain about what is too old to eat and whatnot. Needless to say in about 30 min he achieved not only getting the fridge/freeze emptied out but gave me a headache the size of mount Rushmore! Trust me I have seen Mt. Rushmore so I know how big it is and this head ache rivals it.
So as he is going out to take out the garbage he says maybe I should ask your Dad to if he has one more lecture in him to get you to throw stuff away. I laughed because he is sooo the wrong person to even think about telling me to throw anything away as he is a bigger pack rat than I am. Just ask my mom. Anyhow, I am standing there kinda laughing about that and thinking about clutter and I am looking at my fridgerator door and think to myself… you know you can tell a lot about person by what their refridgerator doors look like.
This is what mine says about me…..

The multiple photos of my kids say I love to see their faces…

The family photo I have says I love my family as a whole…

The one or two photos of friends tell you how dear I hold them.,,,

The calendar tells you that I am a busy person and lose things easily because it has to be someplace in a very central place….

The many magnets tell where I have been or where someone we love has been the Eeyore magnet was a gift from a friend I love my gift.

The rest of the magnets hold some sort of information.

The last thing on the fridges tells you I have a bad memory, as it is a little tablet for making lists of things I need to get in town.

So what does your refrigerator door say about you?

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Of thing forgotten but want to be remembered

It seems like spring has sprung around here and I am really happy about it. It is rather odd though we didn’t get our usual St. Patrick’s Day snow storm, which makes me leery that there may be one more nasty snow to come, I am hoping not but one never knows with PA weather.
This time of year usually inspires me to get things done. I guess it is that whole nesting thing but I feel I don’t have enough time. I’m sure I do but just don’t use my time wisely. There are so many things I say to myself, “I want to get to that later” but later never comes because I forget what it was I was going to “get to.” I need to make a list of all these things I need to do and work on marking them off and being more focused.
I have the whole project declutter to work on also, 45 min. a week doesn’t seem to be a hard thing to do… as a matter of fact I’m sure I waste far more than that A DAY! My friend Cathy was here and helped me focus. I love her for that, she comes and makes me focus and pushes me to keep going till it is done. I tend to get a bit sidetracked. So with her help I have managed to clean off my computer desk, filing cabinet and scrapbooking dresser in my dining room and I love the look of it all cleaned off,,, it however needs dusting badly.
I wish I could find that focus that Cathy has she is amazing and I so wish I was like her. She gets so much done she reminds me of a that cartoon character Taz, who whirls around!
I have so many projects to get done. I think I am going to use the rest of the day to tidy the house and focus on the clown costume I’m making for a friend. It is coming along. I have the top and bottom almost done now all I have to do is sew the snaps on the collar and I think I might have to go buy some not sure I have any here and I also need to hem the top that finishes them so all that is left to make is the skirt with the giant pockets. Last time I worked on it I didn’t wear a mask because I forgot how sick I get when I breathe those fibers that the serger cuts. I am all better now and I so don’t want to go back there. If I can get this stuff out of my house it will remove some more “stuff” that is just sitting around.
I also think that my whole lack of creativity has something to do with needing to get so much done and I feel stifled because it is distracting. I am slowly working on getting the scrapbooking stuff all organized. HA! I’m thinking that won’t ever be really done but it would be nice to know where most of my stuff is so I can spend more time scrapping and less time looking.
Time is up I need to get ready to go back to work I should have a couple haircuts here in any min. now.
Helpful hint for today…lay a place mat over your computer keyboard to keep the keys from getting dusty.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Of computers and MILs

Ohhh these last week so has had it's moments let me tell you.  First MIL isn't strong enough to come home so they bring her down here to the rehab part of the hospital here.  She has issues with drugs because she has bad kidneys so she doesn't process drugs or anything for that matter right, so basically the doctor is having trouble adjusting her meds.  She is really tired, weak and sometimes dizzy not to mention nauseous.  One of the reasons she might be this way is she doesn't eat well at all... she tells them that she is too full and can't eat much. I watched her eat she maybe eats 4 or 5 tiny bites and says she is done, at this rate she isn't going to get stronger and be able to come home.  Her mind is there so she should know she needs to eat more but she won't and it is frustrating.  She says she is not going to a nursing home but I can't see if she doesn't start getting better she is going to run out of days that her insurance will pay and she will have to either go somewhere where someone can be with her, which she has no where to go (and I highly doubt she would come here we don't have the room, and I probably would drive her nuts) or a home.  I have no clue why I should even be concerned about this because like I said she has her mind and it comes right down to her doctor making the decision.  I am thinking I should distance myself from the whole thing, as I think it makes me a bit anxious.  So in keeping with that I am moving on now...

Ok Friday and Saturday were two really fun days... I spent quite a lot of them working on my computer because when it rebooted itself after the windows update of Feb 25 it was all mucked up!  First it said my profile wasn't there and then when I tried to reset it an earlier time it would load for a few seconds then get the blue screen and then it would reboot and say it was recovering from a bad shutdown and count down the 30 seconds and load windows it would turn blue and shut down and it was a vicious vicious circle. Finally I got it to work by shutting off a couple programs one of which being Symantic (knew I hated that software) and then it loaded correctly and has been behaving well. Although everytime I reboot or turn it on I hold my breath thinking I will be seeing blue any second.  Computers they are marvelous when they work right and when they don't you just want to throw them out the window! 

Not that that was enough this evening Don says what did you send me, what's this?  I looked and here it was a spammed email that like an idiot I opened it and it sent it's self to everyone in my yahoo books.  GRRR!!!!!! So disregard any emails you received me.  I did try to let everyone know that it was not from me, with one from me, and then there was one that I forgot to put the text in the email so it is blank... oops... I have been a bit tired this evening.  So I haven't sent any real emails... oyy! 

So tomorrow is a new day and I'm looking forward to going to the gym and working out after my dentist appt. and then seeing my friend tomorrow as they need hair cuts! 

I hope the weather is good, it is March for goodness sakes... the snow needs to recede so the crocuses can come up!!

Monday, February 22, 2010

What a week!

This has been a rather stressful week.  Last Wed. Don came home from his mom's in the morning and said he was going to take her into the ER because she had been having chest pains for a couple three days.  OYY!  She said she wanted to go get checked out because I wasn't going to be home all day and Don would be at work.  That was the smartest thing I think she could have done because she was feeling alright while in the ER but they were going to run some tests and keep her so I asked if she wanted me to stay home but she said she would be fine and I told her I would stop and see her when I got back.  Well about an hour after I left she had a heart attack in the ER, they were going to send her to Erie anyway but they life flighted her and she went straight to the cath lab and they put 2 stints in the mail artery which was 100% blocked. 

There have been some minor complications... first her kidney function isn't the greatest and that contrast dye they use can be hard on them, and then her blood pressure dropped really low and as did her blood count so they gave her 2 units of blood and I asked her if she was feeling better but she said she wasn't.  She hasn't been eating to good either which I am sure that has something to do with her being weak.  As the days go on I am believing that she will end up in a TCU unit for a bit to gain her strength back so she can come home.  I think things remain to be seen, I can only wonder how many more hits her health can take and still be able to live alone at home.  I guess I shouldn't both myself with it because Don is the one that will be making decisions about her care and welfare.

So today I want to continue with my Wii workouts and work on the basement and get it cleaned up and work on Project Declutter! 

I would also love to do something really creative today too... so I guess I should get busy busy busy!!!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Project declutter.... Dinning Room!

I have been teaching my self a new habit of picking up after myself. I am working on making some better "habits." Which makes me muse about the human condition; why is it harder to form a good habit than a bad one???  They say it only takes 21 times to form a habit... hummm I maybe the exception to that rule! Did you ever notice they don't talk too much about how to BREAK a habit for good... and why is it sooo easy to go back to a bad habit than it is to go back to a good habit???  Yeah,,, I'm thinking God did this for a reason but ya know... I can't figure out why??  Maybe he thought if we were working on doing all that we wouldn't be up to the devil's work?!  OK and maybe we are just higher thinkers than animals... I sometimes wish I could be my cat or my dog they really don't have hang ups, or at least they don't complain about it! 

Over the years I've haven't always been happy with how I keep my house, and I am planning on trying to change that.  I also want to learn to be happy with me the way I am so I want to build some new GOOD habits.  I was thinking if I take this approach vs. changing myself I will hopefully stick to it this time.

So hence Project DeClutter! I want to take before and after photos to prove to myself.. how wonderful I am! (of course this remains to be seen.)  I have taken some photos but I'm not doing very well at keeping track.  I want to do a scrapbook of my journey so hopefully I will be posting some awesome creations!

Here is a neat tip I found.... Not that uhm I am needed much ice these days but hey for punches and stuff. 
Make giant ice cubes in muffin tins or plastic margarine bowls. These are perfect for using in picnic coolers or punch bowls. They look pretty and keep your drinks or food cold longer.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

What to do!? What to do?!

So here it is Wed. and it is snowing I have the day ahead of me and I have a host of things I really should do.

I sometimes wonder if I'm losing my mind.  I have so much stuff I think "OHH I will do that,, or ohh I'll do that, no that, ohh I want to do this... " As soon as those words or thoughts pass I forget.  I am thinking I need to carry a little notebook with me and make a list of things I want to do. I think I am going to sit down today and try to recall all those things I want to do and work on the list slowly.  :)

The mundane things I need to do is call and make a dentist appt.  to finish my root canal, and get my MIL's catheters ordered, which is a mess because the ones we thought were what we wanted were not what we wanted and now I have to send them back and see if I can guess again to get the right ones.  OYY!  I'm sure the ladies at there are ready to never hear from me again.  I sorta feel bad for them.  

I do also want to get down to the scrap room and do some more organizing done.  I will need to get some more totes I think.  I want it to look nice.  

I wish I had more umph to get stuff done. So far today I am wanting to eat,  I am trying really hard to stick to my WW points because I would love to lose 20 lbs before May 1 and the cruise.  I think I would feel better and enjoy my vacation.  So I also need to work out today too.  So far this has been a very hard day for me eatingwise and so I need to get doing something!  

Have a great day everyone!

I guess I should get off my backside...

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Another Snow Storm???

Good morning,, apparently we are to be getting some more snow.  I guess it is Feb. in PA!  I just checked our forecast and we could get as much as much as 14 in. if we get the most they are predicting but time will tell sometimes we more or less depending on how the wind blows.  Don is gearing up for a 12 hour day today and tomorrow, but it might be over by tomorrow night so maybe just today.

I have a busy day on the book starting at 1 and ending with cutting a friend's hair and playing cards whaa who!!

You know how all the old people... ok ME... say ohh gosh the older you get the faster time flies... well I am so thinking I'm in a Ferrari on a nice flat freeway.... Like where did Jan. go???  UHMMM I'm wondering what will it be like in 20 years... maybe by then I'll be in a Porsche on the Autobahn yep,, time sure is flying by!  

My friend L'empress was talking about Jan. and how for her over the years it hasn't been a good month... and it got me thinking... gosh that is sooo true... lets see,,,, All these things have happened in Jan. to me...  Don lost his job after some 30 years of working there, Don's Dad, my grandmother, my friend Joanne, my dog Nite, all passed on in Jan. I had a blood clot in my leg just last Jan., mother in law was nuts after surgery in Dec..  Goodness all those things happened with in the last decade,,, and yeah they were pretty crappy but there was one shining moment back in 1990 on Jan. 25th that has brought me more joy and love and happiness my wonderful son, Paul was born.  I guess for me that makes up for all the not so good things that have happened in Jan. 

As I sit here the thought is developing and I was thinking how many other thing happened throughout the rest of the year... and as I think back of the big things they are scattered all over the rest of the months with not more than one or two things per month... humm how odd... if my brother was going to read this I could tease him and tell him I'm not quite sure which category his birthday falls.. heheheh... He is always teasing me like that.  I love that man!

I guess I should be heading off to tidy up and get ready for work!

Tip for the day *** Use your sweeper with the long bristles attachment to gently sweep your ceiling.  I for a long long time couldn't figure out how to get the dust that was building up on  my pebbled plaster ceiling and one day I was sucking the dust off my fan when I had an epiphany I was soo happy because it made it so nice and clean looking. Whaa whoo... 


Monday, February 8, 2010

Beautiful Day....

Good Monday morning to you all... it is a beautiful day here in Crawford County!!  It has frosted over night everything is pristine and just beautiful.. gosh haven't written in a long time I guess I need work on my adjectives and descriptions.  In the amount of time it took me to take some photos, send Don off to work the clouds have rolled in and it is now grey but that is OK since I got some pretty sunshine this morning.  I think the grey enhances Jack Frost's lovely work!!!

Here is a a photo of the sunshine this morning, this is my front yard taken in 4 different shots...

I guess I should explain the New Beginnings.... (since I have put it off long enough rambling about the weather) 
 It is a new year well semi new... and I really want to become the person that I want to be which is a more disciplined about my cleaning and cluttering.  My house isn't dirty per-say not unhealthy but could use more cleaning and organization so that is one way I am enjoying a New Beginning and also... I think I would like to start writing again,,, and enhancing my vocabulary and just having a nice journal again.  Another thing is everyone has Facebook and I do too but I just don't get into it... to be honest... it makes not one wit of sense to me.  So I am choosing to let those who would like to either ready my titillating thoughts or just plain keep up with what is happening in our Home!  (hopefully soon to be more clean and less cluttered)  I am will be sharing my progress here too!  


Today I am working on my beauty shop stuff for the tax lady and the mess in the basement so I can do a studio shoot for a friend!  

Poor Don he had to head off to work early today because yesterday on our way to a friend's for the Super Bowl a break line blew so he is heading off early to get parts so he can fix it tomorrow or the next day.  I am sad he has to work on his truck but I am rather happy to have a day where I can't go anywhere.  I have been goign to the gym 3 days a week and man it seems like I get nothing done but run to I'm hoping today I might get something done.. however,,, I am not doing so well sitting here at the computer... so I am off to get something done!

A household tip for today is vinegar and some dish soap will work wonders of grime, dirt and grease.