Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Truly a New Beginning....

This blog was originally named New Beginnings because it was renamed to be a reg. blog not a vacation one, however little did I know it was going to take on a whole new meaning.

I have a new beginning which for some see as a great thing but yet others have done everything from cry when I told them to getting angry and down right mean.  It has not been an easy "new beginning" but easier than some have had it.  I have left my husband and am living in a small apt. with the cat... Huntzberger and to be honest I am happier for the most part than I have been in years.  I never really knew why I was rather depressed for a long time.  I knew things weren't exactly as I would like them with Don but I thought I could deal with it and accept him for all that he is more or less.  

I have struggled with being happy for the last decade or so but I always had the kids as a distraction and could convince myself I was happy with the way things were.  The last few years however with the kids growing away more and more and the solitude and lack of physical love and human emotion became more and more prevalent in my life. I no longer could journal and find the good or the humor in things and I eventually had to take medication to help and then it needed to be increased.  I realized with the terminal illness that finally took my mother in law that I didn't want to live a life I couldn't honestly say I was happy living. After caring for her for the last few months of her life and seeing what it was like at the end I decided I wanted to live life to the fullest potential I can. I think I knew for a long time that I needed a New Beginning but was just to complacent and scared to go forward.

I  love my little apt.  it isn't much to look at but well.. the landlord is the sweetest thing on feet and ohhh he is British and ohhh man he has the most wonderful accent so I  love talking to him well actually listening to him and he has the greatest stories. I noticed the gutter was coming loose and called him the other day to let him know it would cost him an arm and a leg to repair them before it got ripped out with the next big rain.  So I invited him in for coffee... he is just tooo funny.  I love visiting with him.  He is entirely too funny, and has the bluest eyes... mmm 

I guess this might be a bomb for some but for the most part I want to begin "journaling" again, time permitting I also have a full time job working at a hotel as a night auditor.  I love it!!!  It works for me!! 

I am very happy and like getting to know me again.  I didn't realize how much I policed my behavior, so it is all a good thing.  I hope Don is as happy as I am... my intentions were not to hurt him and it really is a no fault situation neither of us did anything blatantly wrong, sometimes stuff just happens.  I hope the kids can, with time, realize that we are better off apart than together and can adjust to that. (more to come on that subject)

So I am needing to be heading off to bed but I thought I would share with my friends I have missed and I hope will still be there to read what I might have to say.  :)